April 9, 2013 § 2 Comments
Yes, I’m talking to you.
Yes, I do notice when you “check me out” and look me up and down.
No, I don’t think you’re assessing my massage skill level.
Yes, I do know you’re undressing me with your eyes.
Yes, I think it’s creepy.
No, you can’t give me a massage.
Yes, my elbows are registered weapons.
Yes, I know how to use them.
Yes, you really best behave.
Thank you for your attention.
NO! Not that kind of attention. Please go back to the top and read again….
March 22, 2013 § Leave a comment
I found a blog the other day (thanks Huffington Post!) about a feisty gal named Brittany. There was an article about her and her bikini. I followed their teaser showing her gorgeous face and some line like “You may not think this is beautiful, but…” and clicked through to the article. It’s an article by Brittany about her annual “put on a bathing suit and go in public” and how this year she went with a bikini. As another woman of ample bosom and curves, I can relate to her difficulty finding one that fits “the ladies” and doesn’t give me a headache. She found a halter that worked for her. I never have. Instant headache. Ouch.
Anyway, Brittany’s article did EXACTLY what it was intended to do and took me straight to her blog ” Brittany, Herself”. I cruised around, having some guffaws, and thought “I’ll come back here.” Brittany seems no nonsense and with a tremendous sense and understanding of self. I’m pretty sure she and I would get along famously if we ever met at some party, but maybe not in my massage office.
That’s right. Not at my massage office.
And here is why.
Brittany hates massages. She “has control issues with her body.” She’s also “freaking out your going to rub my fupa.”
So, of course, her husband got them a couples massage for Valentine’s Day. As a surprise. And tells her just an hour before they have to leave for the appointment. And it was already paid for. Curses.
Let’s just say that Brittany’s massage experience was not a life changing “massage IS awesome!” epiphany. But it is funny as hell. And honestly, a lot worse can and has happened. So rest well, Brittany, knowing that’s the case!
Personally, I have no issue with people not wanting massage. There’s something for everyone in this world and if you aren’t comfortable with a massage, don’t waste your time and money. Yes, I’ve had people come in who “hate” massage and were total converts after. But it just doesn’t do anything for some people. No worries. Find something that works for you. And leave Brittany a message all about it over on her blog.
Brittany, if you want to give massage another try, come see me. I promise not to get near your fupa. I’ve been offered a lot of “rub chances” and turn them all down. Just so you know….
I have to go find this woman’s TED Talk. She’s spreading good messages to women everywhere about loving themselves and their bodies just as they are. She also utters the words “Stripping went way easier in my head.” THAT is my kind of woman! Rock on Brittany!
March 15, 2013 § Leave a comment
I finish a 90 minute massage for a regular client.
He looks at me, groggy and on his “massage high” and asks “Have you ever had clients propose marriage?”
“As a matter of fact I have. I’ve had them propose all kinds of things.”
“I bet you have.”
And so it goes……….
March 12, 2013 § Leave a comment
It seems there are some new readers thanks to the recent Massage and Bodywork Magazine article.
Take a look around and let me know what posts you like, what you’d like to see more of, and if you have any questions you’d like addressed. This is YOUR big chance to get The Real Rub on life as a massage therapist!
Coming soon– Season two of The Client List and some more enlightening and hilarious conversations.
March 12, 2013 § 3 Comments
Life is crazy. You know it. I know it. When it calms, I’ll write more. I’m always collecting stories. Always meeting interesting people.
In the meantime, I’ve discovered that “Massage and Bodywork” Magazine mentioned The Real Rub in an article about… you guessed it… erections!
You can check it out in their digital magazine – http://www.massageandbodyworkdigital.com/i/108504/71
Thanks Massage and Bodywork!
December 12, 2012 § 2 Comments
Well this story has to do with Maria in a roundabout way…
Back at Bob’s. We make it through his massage without any unexpected visitors. Or the door blowing open. No peanut gallery. No answering machine going off randomly which is was known to do. Nope. Just a peaceful massage.
We finish the massage and I go to wash my hands. I come back and Bob is up off the table and wearing a towel.
I pack up my things and we chat. I head outside to my car and get everything loaded.
Into the driver’s seat. Check my phone so I’m sitting there a moment.
Out of the corner of my eye I see the front door open. Out comes Bob still wearing only a towel wrapped around his bottom half. He runs down the driveway to my car parked in the street. I roll down my window. He is standing outside my car literally half naked.
Me- “What’s going on? What are you doing?”
Bob- “I forgot to give you a tip!”
Bob hands me cash through my window.
*Pause. Exchange of Knowing Looks*
Me- “This looks bad. Tongues will be flapping now.”
Bob- “Eh..We’ll just tell them to talk to Maria.”
I don’t know if Maria ever got a call from the neighbors (doubtful) but she never interrupted our massages again. Of course, I think she moved so that might explain things. Maybe. Let’s hope so.
December 12, 2012 § Leave a comment
How did all these months go by without me sharing any stories? It’s not like there aren’t more to share. I had all sorts of comment about other episodes of The Client List but never got around to writing them. Maybe there will be a season two.
I had all kinds of things to say about John Travolta and that massage fiasco. But now it’s old news.
I have more stories in my mind, and somewhere even a list, of things to share.
I guess I’ve been busy sharing life. I’ll have to get back to this. Maybe just one tonight.